This may be a bit Norman Peale-esque, but here goes…
I used to be an actor in New York City. One of my acting teachers was a really brilliant guy and he had great wisdom to share, primarily about acting but also about life. Here’s one of his lessons.
He told a story about a man who brought a toaster to the Customer Service Department at Macy’s. The man was irate because his toaster wasn’t working. His face turned red and he yelled insults at the store clerk. He slammed his fists on the counter. He made a real scene. He even yelled curses at the toaster. The lady at the counter couldn’t understand his complaint. She was so offended by his tone that she had a hard time even listening to him. He made it impossible for her to help him, which, after all, was all she wanted to do.
Another man also brought a toaster to Macy’s that same day. He was perfectly pleasant to the lady at the counter. He used words like “please” and “thank you,” and he chatted with her about the weather. He explained to her, very nicely, that his toaster wasn’t working properly and he wished to return it, which he understood he could do under Macy’s 30-day return policy. He calmly showed her the part that wasn’t working. The lady was glad to help him and within just a couple of minutes had issued him a full refund, and she felt her day was brighter for having met the man, even though he had come to her with a complaint.
At the end of the story, my teacher said this:
Don’t argue. Make the argument.
You don’t need to roar like a lion or beat your chest like a gorilla. You’re a human being and you’ve got language. Use language to convey ideas. If you’re in the right, then your case will speak for itself; you just need to make the case clearly. If you need to use anger to get your way, that’s probably a sign that you’re in the wrong. Argumentum ad baculum is the refuge of the weak.
Arguing is putting up a fight in order to dominate. When you argue, you lose your cool.
Making the argument isn’t fighting at all, it’s simply using language to express facts.
In the face of trouble, when you’ve got to deal with conflict or potential conflict with others, just stay cool, be courteous, be cheerful, and let right ideas do the work for you.
Don’t argue. Make the argument.
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